Just a little note for Kylie

Who decided that she would pass a little judgement on my 8 week belly pic. My knee-jerk reaction was to delete the comment, but I think it deserves to be read.

"why are you so big and the shape of your belly is messed up man ? i would HATE to have that."

Well, Kylie, you are certainly entitled to your opinion of the shape of my belly, but I could really care less that you would "HATE" to have it. While there are times that I am not in love with my body, it has given birth to two babies, struggled with smoking, and is currently nourishing my second child (which I will take a stab and say that would be another thing you would "HATE" to have considering what pregnancy and breastfeeding have done to the shape of my breasts) and that's nothing to sneeze at.

If you are willing to open your mind (which I am again taking a stab here and guessing not since you left neither email address nor homepage with your comment), you can take a look at The Shape of a Mother to see what real women look like, women who are not the perfect shape and decided to lift up their shirts and show the world just what their bellies look like.

So Kylie, get a fucking clue, mkay?

It's raining

And it's coming down hard enough that I can hear it banging against the front windows. My mind and spirit have been through the wringer the past few days (didn't include bidy because that's pretty much always going through the wringer) and I'm just exhausted. I think we are all going to get a bit wet and brave the rain because I need to get away from the house and this computer.

Note to self - get slicker from my mom so Michael can stay dry on these trips.

Turning a Corner

Well, I hope I am.

I'm slowly settling into a routine with Alex and his feeding - as long as I am super vigilant about taking my fenugreek and blessed thistle, there is a definite flow and it's one that I can live with having dealt with the alternatives a few times over the past several weeks.

I am still not the parent I want to be to Michael, but I try my hardest to be every day. Although I feel like I'm spending way too much time apologizing to him, he's accepting of me as I am and I still get lots of, "I like you, Mom" which in Michael-speak means a hell of a lot more than a simple, "I love you."

I did remember it at the last minute - but my 9th wedding anniversary was last week. I still can't believe I've been with John for 11 years and married for the last nine of them. Most of all I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to be able to share my life with this man and raise children with him. Life almost never relents, but we've been making the effort to maintain our relationship - granted dates are always with at least one kid in tow, but it's something and we'll have real couple-time again soon.

Last but not least, my mind is starting to overflow with ideas once more and I actually am able to put aside time to do something about it. Currently, I'm busy knitting prototypes and items to sell, but in the near future I'm going to really concentrate of self-publishing some of my patterns and get my act together and actually finish my perennial Knitty submission. Keep your eyes open 'cause some changes are on their way.

Kids are both asleep and John is off from work so I can take myself and my knitting up to Starbucks for some quality time with my I-pod. TTFN!

Dusting off the needles

I've been knitting pretty steadily over the past two weeks, trying to fine-tune some of my toy patterns and to build up a stock for the Knitty Keen Etsy shop which has been sitting dormant for the past year and almost a half. More work needs to be done, but I hope to have some stock up by the end of next week. If any knitters out there are interested in doing some testing for me - drop me a comment and I'll get back to you. The earliest I'll have stuff ready for testing will probably be just before Thanksgiving since it takes a bit of time to format a pattern.

Feeding time

The CHOP feeding evaluation went pretty well. The doctor commended me for being on top of things and it looks like we've ruled out both malabsorbtion and a mechanical/physiological reason for his feeding problems. I was able to coax him to take a few sips from a medicine cup so we are trying to do that twice a day which is very slow going. I've also been fortifying his purees with some powdered formula which hasn't phased him and makes me a bit happier that at least some of his calories have more nutritional oomph to them. The feeding team feels that his GERD is really playing a large role in his nursing behavior, so there is probably an endoscopy in our future which scares me a bit because of my last experience with a sedated test.

Not much else going on - lots of things to try, but only so much time and energy to do them. I feel horrible for even writing that, but I have my own limits and Alex definitely has his so I'm not going to drive us 'round the twist trying to everything at once - been there, done that and the only thing that results is stressed-out mom and kid so I'm not going to borrow that guilt this time.

Mad Dash

I got a call when we got home from the park and they have an an opening at the CHOP Feeding Clinic tomorrow morning. I have to fill out an eight page questionnaire to bring with me. Just trying to tell myself that this is not all in my head, I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill. Hopefully, I'll get some advice and maybe a few answers tomorrow morning.

VOTE!

The husband and I have done our parts, now we just have to sit back and watch (and pray).