Project ADD

I was going to try and hold out for finished objects, but the blog needs some happiness gosh darn it, so here's some baby stuff to look at...

This yarn...


Has become this swatch...


This is one of my favorite lace patterns - Falling Leaves from Knitty. It's knit with some kettle-dyed fingering weight merino on my 3mm Addis and (stop the presses) the swatch has actually been washed and blocked!. I'm hoping to turn it into a garter yoke cardigan like EZ's February Baby Sweater. My first attempt was way too big (which is why I went through the extra trouble to wash and block). Once I get some time to crunch numbers, I'll cast on again.


This is my un-vented EZ February Baby Sweater from The Knitters Almanac knit with Trekking XXL in the Orange/Teal colorway on US Size 4 (3.5mm) needles. I used a different lace pattern that the one in the book since the colors would be lost in the original. Once this is done, I'll be doing a full write-up with my alterations from the original and cross-posting on Zimmermania.


This will most likely become another EZ February Sweater, but I'm going to tweak it a bit so it's a little bigger than the first.

The Koigu BSJ

After I weave in the 5 million ends, I have to do the sleeve extensions and add the collar. I can't get enough of looking at this, the colors are so happy and the yarn is so squishy. Definitely worth the almost $35 I paid for the Koigu. Yes, you read that correctly - I spent $35 for yarn for a baby sweater that is not machine washable. Gifts of woolwash would be greatly appreciated.

Diapers!


This fabric is slated to become the start of my cloth diaper stash. I'll be using Rita’s Rump Pocket pattern. Don't you just love the monkeys?

Bulleted Rant

• Damned bank - thought there was $40 there but find out this morning there is only ten.
• People who cancel their life insurance because it's a waste of money - tell that to my MIL who's going more than a bit crazy trying to keep things together right now
• Insomnia - woke up at 3am, started worrying about MIL, didn't start to doze off until 6

Things I can be thankful for

• John gets paid tomorrow - no more nickel & diming (until the end of September that is)
• S - who is dropping off the $$ so I can go and see my therapist tonight
• K who will fight with me about buying coffee
• My change jar which will provide the funds if I win the fight with K over the coffee
• Michael who is a constant Joy, even when he's getting on my last nerve which isn't any-one's fault.
• The Bean, who even now likes to remind me of his/her presence with a swift kick to my bladder, making me take the minute to reflect on how blessed I am to be carrying him/her
• This

Happy Feet

The Bean is making his/her presence known by spending long stretches bouncing on my bladder or my cervix (ouch). I was treated to a good half hour of the latter last night while John and I vegged. Michael was pretty active but nothing like this one.

Baby knitting progresses. Life progresses. Dreams of large alcoholic beverages also persist as does raw tuna (I'm avoiding it for mercury). Life will be resuming some sense of normalcy tomorrow which I am really looking forward to.

Michael did the coolest thing yesterday. He really didn't want to hold hands on the walk to the train and C suggested that he "help" her hold the dog's leash. She was describing it to Michael as "the buddy system" and Michael responded, "No. Teamwork." How cool is that?

You gotta love the insomnia

Especially when your body desperately needs sleep. It's just been really hard having to be "on" so much this past week. Thursday was good, I even had John make the call to see how C, my mother-in-law, was doing because I just didn't want to deal with it. Friday was a different story. On the bus ride up I started to loose it on the bus when "House of the Rising Sun" came on the I-Pod. I don't know why The Animals reminded me so forcefully of my father-in-law, but I cried the entire time the song was playing.

Originally C and I were going to purge her bedroom of all of John's dad's clothing, but we opted for going to the LYS instead. The owners of the shop and all of C's friends know all about me and seem to think that I am a crafting diva. This was our second visit, so I was a bit more prepared this time around. In other news, the owners of the shop are very interested in my hand-dyed yarn, selling my patterns and maybe even me teaching a class, so that is cool. I told them that once the fall gets here, I'll have a better idea of what I can commit to producing so we'll see about making a deal then.

The rest of the day was just kind of there. I had a minor anxiety attack last night and I'm going to try out some homeopathics to see if that helps takes the edge off since completely removing myself from the situation, getting lots and lots of rest and relaxation, and cutting down stress just isn't an option right now. I have never wanted to smoke and get 'faced more in my life, I'm that desperate for release. This is where I'm starting to really miss a funeral. While I can see why John's dad opted out of it completely (there isn't even an obituary), but not having the closure and ritual that comes with a funeral is hard, especially since it's been near impossible to share our grief. Letting it out in bits and pieces, usually alone, is extremely draining to me since I never know when the next trigger will happen.

I'm off again on Saturday and then we'll have two days in a row on again - Sunday to do the clothing purge and Monday to go to John's brother's house for a cook-out. I'm almost done my un-vented EZ February Baby Sweater from Knitter's Almanac. Chances are good I'll have it done, minus the buttons, by Sunday. If I can find some buttons that will work for it, I'll finally be making a post for it on Zimmermania. Actually, it's one of the best pieces of knitting I've ever done, so I may just post without buttons. That a picture of it will appear here and all over my message boards goes without saying. The Bean has discovered the joys of dancing on my bladder which s/he happily did for most of the time I was at the LYS this afternoon.

I'm finally starting to feel tired again, so I'm going top try to go back to sleep. John already told me that I could sleep in this morning, here's hoping that I actually can.

Low key

Michael and I are just going to hang out this morning. I think we may actually go up to Starbucks and then to the park, but nothing more than that. I need to do some serious recharging of my emotional batteries.

Things are going as well as can be expected. Thank you so much for all of the thoughts you've been sending my way.

Goodbye

What an amazing kid

John and I were both marvelling on just how great Michael is. Yes, we have that parental bias going - but we are both constantly amazed and happy to have been blessed with him. He has such joy in him and it can't help bursting through.

Michael did so well with the trip up to my father-in-law's yesterday. I know how hard this wonderful cocktail of emotions is for me to deal with, I can't even begin to comprehend how its affecting him. We did find out that there will be no funeral. We'll just have a wake a few weeks after to celebrate his life. This removes a great deal of pressure from me, knowing that I don't have a formal funeral to deal with. We are just going day by day at this point and I'm planning a solo trip next Saturday. As much as I want to bring Michael with me, it's really too hard on both of us.

Lastly, just a quick reminder on last minute cooking - don't do it. I made chicken franchese (?sp) yesterday morning at 8am and the sauce was sub-par and the fettuccine a little too al dente. Yes, I know it will be appreciated, but I can't help but shudder a tiny bit when I think of it.

Off to try and get another hour's sleep. Can't wait to see the chiro this morning.

Preparations

My mother-in-law called me this afternoon to tell me that the hospice nurse thinks my father-in-law does not have long. All of those things I thought I came to terms with last weekend are all jumbled up again. Right now I'm turning to survival mode. I have to get John's suit to the cleaner and press his tie. Laundry has to be done. I have a couple of leads for child care for Michael because that is one thing I am not putting all of us through. If John's extended family wants to see him that much they can come on down to South Philly to do it, I am not doing this to myself. The vitriol might be jumping the gun a bit but I already know that I am going to be a mess, especially since I seem to be the go-to person for his family and under the circumstances it's going to be next to impossible for me to say "No".

I tried on a maternity dress that S lent me and it hangs on me all wrong so I ordered a nice top that I can wear with a black knit skirt. I have a dress that I know was too big on me last summer which I may be able to wear in a pinch. The only black shoes I have are my Keen sandals and an old pair of cheap Payless flats, both of which draw they eyes to my oh so lovely cankles. I think I can get away with the Keens if I wear tights - I haven't worn dress shoes in almost three years and have no desire to do so again in the near future.

We are still going up on Sunday - death, estrangement, high heat and humidity - gotta love the combination.

I really should be in bed... (aka will knit for food)

...but instead, I'm messing/obsessing about this.

I got my issue of the fall Interweave Knits and instantly fell in love with this pattern...


I want to make this sweater so badly. I've been wracking my brain for the past few weeks on how I could possibly afford it. Should I use up all of the undyed Peace Fleece I have and hope I could fit 10 skeins in my dye pot? Should I just go out and buy a whole bunch of Lion Brand Fisherman's Wool and again dye it to suit? Or maybe just buy some of KnitPicks cheapest wool.

Then I found the answer.

I've found a co-op for Haindpainted Yarn.

It's still going to cause some havoc with my finances (especially 'cause I can't sell plasma because of the Bean :P), but shaving off more than a bit from my pocket money for next month, I can swing it.

Here are the colors I'm considering:





Tell me what you think.

Off to bed - 'night all!

The much anticipated update on the Bean!

First the belly pics...

14 weeks


17 weeks


I still haven't gained any weight (yay!) and I'm getting a bit of energy back which is fantastic. I still have to watch how much I try to do each day because it's really easy for me to go to far and then there's hell to pay that evening. I've been feeling lots of movement which is very reasuring. I can't remember how I carried with Michael this early, but I checked and my fundus is right below my belly button at this point and my "bump" is up really high (all above my waist, such that it is). My biggest craving right now is citrus, major aversion is sugar.

Adventures in Henna

Left hand


Right Hand


Belly


I am planning on getting better quality henna and playing around with different essential oils as mordants to get better results. I also hope to be able to do the next ones right after Michael leaves for school in the morning so I can let it set all day and get deaper colors. The don't look too bad (if I do say so myself), but I know the can be better.

Mini Crafts Update

Believe it or not, I actually have done some knitting in the past month. Here are a few teasers for some of the projects I'm working on.

Koigu BSJ

Sorry folks, a picture of the yarn will have to do for now. The jacket itself is about 90% finished, I just have to finish the blouson sleeves, put on a collar, and weave-in the 5 million ends.

Felting Experiment
I love Noni bag patterns and one of these days I'm going to actually buy some of them. I wanted to make a messenger bag for Michael, especially since I'm knitting so much for the bean, and thought back to a Noni pattern I saw at one of the LYS that I thought was so cool - the Lattice Bag. I had several skeins of Lambs Pride so I decided to wing it. Here are the preliminary results:

Right side (before felting)


after felting


Wrong side (before felting)


after felting


It's just a simple honey comb cable pattern with the cables done in a different color and stranded. I figured stranding would work fine since doing it in intarsia would be a study in frustration. I'm about 2/3 finished on the actual bag, so once I get it done I'll be posting lots of pics and quick and dirty directions.

Other things on the needles (alas no pics).

Cardigan for Merry

This sort of petered out, but I will be picking up on it again soon. I have about 4" done, so I'm about at the half-way point on the body of the sweater before I have to add in the arms.

EZ's Baby Sweater

I'm working up the baby sweater from EZ's Knitter's Almanac in Trekking XXL in the Orange/Teal colorway. I made up my own lace pattern to use rather than the one suggested in the book since way the color moves in this yarn would be lost. I have about 3 more inches to go in the body of the sweater and then I have to do the arms, so it will probably be another week or so before its finished since it's competing with so many other things.

For the near future...

Knitty Keen

I have not had the energy or the time to put much into the shop, but once Michael starts school in September I hope to change that. I have several very cool patterns that will be for sale as well as a nice selection of hand knits and notions that will be going up. I'm hoping to get up some hand painted sock yarns in October.

Essene Market Fall Crafts Festival

With a bit of luck, I'll be participating again this year. I plan on having a better selection of hand knits for sale as well as patterns and the odd hank of yarn.

Soakers and Diapers

I am itching to start the Bean's stash. I'm hoping to get some suede cloth and some flannel in the next week so I can start making diapers. Once my other knitting projects settle a bit I'll start casting on for some soakers and covers.

Took the plunge...

..and the henna is drying on my hands and belly as I type. Perfectionist that I am, I am reluctant to post pics because *I* think my work is a bit on the sloppy side (at least the back on my right hand is), but I know S will hunt me down if I don't post. I'll get the pics up in the morning - can't wait to see how Michael reacts.

John muttered under his breath several times about what a hippie I am. Now I just have to get some patchouli oil and we are set :P

Why, oh why...

Do I persist in shopping at Wholefoods on an empty stomach? I went in for chai concentrate and maybe some Annie's Cheddar Bunny crackers for Michael. We left with all natural Oreo knock-offs, some to die-for goat's milk goouda, Wholefood's version of Triscuits (because you need crackers to go with the cheese), orange juice (I am honestly out of this and need my fix), brown rice avocado roll (dreaming of postpartum raw tuna), a Jamba Juice smoothie (yucky days call for special treats), and the chai concentrate and bunny crackers I originally went in for.

Frankly, I only spent $23, so it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been - I have my pregnancy aversions to thank for that.

We did story time this morning and Michael was a dream. I started to get really tired about 11 while he started getting really hyper (my own fault since neither of us ate well this morning). We left shortly after so things didn't get a chance to escalate too badly. We walked over to the Italian Market so we could get some ground beef for meat balls and a loaf of bread from Sarcones. The second we walked into Sarcones he started asking for a cookie and the ladies working the counter kindly obliged. We walked up to South Street to hit Wholefoods and then took the bus home.

I've really got to start watching my language again unless I want Michael to continue to say "Damn-it!" on a regular basis. To give him credit, he does use it for appropriate situations. Hey, it could always be worse.

Lastly, my father-in-law is being discharged from the hospital today to hospice at his home and we are all much relieved that he's getting the care he needs and my mother-in-law is getting some much needed help. I had a very tough time dealing with it over the weekend. My initial response is to drop everything and do whatever I can to help out. The problem is that I have my own mental well-being to consider (surprisingly, I do actually take care of myself from time to time), the baby that I'm growing, my three year-old, my husband and my household. It was very hard for me to realize that there isn't much at all I can do because my plate is way too full as it is. I was able to have a good cry about it on Sunday with my mom and I feel a lot better about things. I am so happy that hospice is involved and that the time he has left with us will be filled with dignity and respect. Assuming all is well, we are planning on taking Michael up on Sunday so they can see him. I know they get such joy from seeing him and that is what I can do to help this process.

The highlight of my week...

are those first 100 or so steps after I get my chiro adjustment. A close second is the ten minutes of massage that he does before begining the adjustments. I love chiropractics.

And now for something completely different!

Michael used the toilet three times today with minimal coaxing from us! I may be taking him to get some underwear tomorrow.

Blindsided (sort of)

My father-in-law was admited to the hospital on Thursday night and does not seem to be improving. My mother-in-law has realized that she can no longer take care of him by herself and she's started the ball rolling for hospice care.

I still don't know how I feel about all of this. Right now I'm just giving Michael and John lots of hugs and trying to stay positive about the bean.

Introducing....

The Bean!

Conversation on the subway

Michael: Knock, knock
Me: Who's there?
Michael: Castle
Me: Castle who?
Michael: cackle (not unlike what you would expect to follow the words, "I'll get you my pretty!")

You gotta love those first jokes.

Note to self

Please remember that it is a good mile walk one way to Trader Joe's from the subway and no matter how much you need the groceries it's probably not the best of ideas to do this at the end of the day when you spent the morning at the zoo.

Trying to find my way

Between my pregnancy and a combination of developmental milestones on Michael's part, I am having the hardest time keeping my cool with him. He has made so many huge strides forward. His understanding and language have exploded and I can do so many things with him now that I couldn't even imagine just a few months ago. He's also developed several new habits that I've never had to deal with before and it's been very hard to find my sea-legs. The heat and the exhaustion and crabbiness of early pregnancy have not helped matters at all. If I was having a hard time with him we'd just pack up the stroller and walk into town or to the library. This is not an option when its 90 degrees out with heat indexes in the 100's. Throw in the physical limitations of early pregnancy (which thankfully are starting to abate as my body gets adjusted), and our options are really limited. Since I'm still not sleeping well at night, my tolerance for these completely age-appropriate behaviors is very low and it's really hard not to snap. All that snapping accomplishes is the feed-back loop where those behaviors increase while my tolerance steadily decreases and we get to the point where I just want to scream.

He can't understand that I am troubled by the number of braxton-hicks I had this morning and the pubic pain from not seeing the chiro for two weeks and that is why saying that the noise the trolley door makes is silly in the accompanying silly voice every time the trolley stops and asking about the silly noise at least once between each stop for 20 blocks is not something I can deal with right then and there. I am trying so hard to spend some really quality time with him right now since we both really need it, it just feels like I'm ruining it by not coping with him well because of the pregnancy - one of the big reasons for having Mommy & Michael time in the first place.

I've been feeling like all I do recently is complain about him when it's really me who is the problem. It's the feedback loop that's the worst. Minor snapping is one thing, when it jumps to major snapping/raising my voice then it's a problem. I try to break it, but its really hard, especially if it starts at the beginning of an outing. Part of his development now includes remembering the I told him we were going to do X today, so if we don't do X then I have to cope with repeated requests for doing X and sometimes a small meltdown (especially if X involves going to Nana's house), so I'm really in a damned if I do/damned if I don't situation. We go out when I'm not at 100% and run the risk of the feedback loop starting or we stay home and deal with the feedback loop.

I do take the time to apologize to him and explain that I'm not feeling well right now and that's why I'm so short tempered and that we can both try to work together. On other fronts I'm going to try to get a new pillow this weekend so I'm not waking up from shoulder pain and chiro appointments are starting again on Monday (not too soon). After much debate and soul-searching I've also decided to start taking my meds again. Mommy-guilt has been working on me that the Welbutrin I took during my pregnancy with Michael *could* have contributed to his problems so I've been abstaining this time around. Not that I have any concrete evidence for this, just one of the multitude of things that keep me up at night. At least I can tell myself that I was med-free for the majority of the first trimester and that's something.

I really have to nap now, so I'll end my rambling self-flagellation here. More cheerful stuff in the works and the U/S pics of the bean will be up this weekend.

Whine

Slept horribly last night, left the house late without eating anything so we could get to storytime on time because I promised my husband. Found out I had enough time to stop at a local coffee shop on the way for a cup of iced coffee and a scone. Michael whined the whole time about how he wanted a bagel. I react badly to the whining which just starts that lovely feedback loop of whining and snapping. Have to cajole him into the storytime room when we get to the library. Storytime not too bad. Leave to walk to Wholefoods for chai concentrate. Feel like I'm going to puke any minute the whole walk over then get the sweats once I get in the store. Have a fruit smoothie and some protien to get my sugar back up and stabilized, all to the lovely background of three year-old whining (gotta love the feed-back loop). Walk back to the library and hang out with husband while he watches Michael because I am *this* close to starting to yell because I feel so crappy. Leave library at 1 and don't walk in our door until two (thank you inept mass transit - an hour for a two mile trip).

Things that Rock!

• I got some great Koigue mill ends in shades of red, orange, gold and green to make the bean a Baby Surprise Sweater and a matching hat. I'm hoping that there will be enough to do socks as well. I'm going to find some worsted in red and make a pair of pants to go with it too. With some luck, this will be the bean's coming home outfit.


• K told me that she couldn't wait any more and dropped of a beautiful romper for the bean and a Motherhood gift card for me. I was able to get the long denim skirt I've been wanting ever since I got my positive pregnancy test and a fantastic navy blue sleeveless blouse. Both the bean and I cannot thank her enough.


• S deserves major props for taking me to the mall in Jersey so I could use K's gift card and for lending me her maternity brace. I wore it last night and it is wonderful.


• We made it through the sequential screen this morning. The bean looked great - tons of movement and I even got to see him/her suck on his/her hand. Now that I did the genetic counseling and no alarm bells went of from the ultrasound I am so much more relaxed. I don't even feel like I'll need to badger anyone for test results. The test would not change the outcome of the pregnancy and I have already decided that I was not going to pursue an amnio or a CVS to confirm a high risk of a genetic abnormality. Seeing the bean so active and feeling the movement for the past week or so has really reassured me and I know the bean is here to stay and has gone a long way in allowing me to trust my gut.


• I saw the chiro this afternoon and he really seems great. There is definitely some crunch there, but not too much. He did try to sell me some prenatal vitamins, but it wasn't a hard sell. There was no mention of my weight except for him to reassure me that he was strong enough to support me during one of the adjustments. Because of the damage I have in my pelvic joints, he's going to take things a little bit slower and I am very fine with that - when I had some dramatic adjustments during my last pregnancy, I had relief from the SPD pain but my gait changed enough that I exchanged one discomfort for another. I am seeing some small improvement from the adjustments I had today and there has been no change in my gait so all seems well.
  
  When we were discussing my history, he made a comment about how much work I must do managing my home and caring for my child (I wrote "homemaker" for my occupation ) and the negative impact chronic back pain can have on it. How cool is that?

Many pics will be posted tomorrow. 'Night all!

Quick update on the Bean

here I am in all my 11 to 12 week glory. I tried on one of my regular skirts on Saturday and could not do up the button, so I am officially out of my regular clothes. Thankfully I still have two skirts from my pregnancy from Michael and I'm hoping to add a third to them by the end of the month. In the picture and right now I'm wearing an elastic waist skirt and it's *almost* too small. I didn't have to start wearing maternity with Michael until well into my 4th month, not so with the bean. To paraphrase S - I really look pregnant now.

The bean seems to be doing well. I was feeling a whole lot of activity in my pelvis last Thursday and then I had my wonderful first twinge of SPD so I'm pretty sure my uterus has popped up. Thus far, the SPD isn't giving me too much problem, it's my left SI joint that's acting up which is making sleep a nightmare (and it wasn't too good to begin with). Things are still a bit tight money-wise, so I'm hoping to start going to the chiropractor next week. In the interim, I went to the pool tonight and it was heaven. It was so nice squatting in the shallow end and focusing on the bean for a bit and my back cleared up for a while too - walking without pain is wonderful. I'm going to start getting intimate with my balance ball again since squatting and opening up my pelvis gives me the most relief, just have to get John to pull it out of the corner he has it hidden in the living room.

Last but not least, I'm pretty sure I've been feeling those first flutters of movement. It's coming from the right place and I'm pretty sure it's not gas. It's really been helping me start to bond with the bean and process my fears and trauma from Michael's birth.

Trip to the Zoo

We made the trek to West Philly on Saturday and went to the Zoo. I'm not sure who had more fun - John and I watching Michael really enjoy the zoo for the first time, or Michael. He *talked* to the animals, pointed out things to us, fed the ducks and the goats in the petting zoo and hissed at the cheeky Canadian geese who were looking for a handout. We could not have asked for a more beautiful day either. I think our membership is going to get a lot of use this coming year.

On Daddy's shoulders looking at the hippo...


Posing with a bronze statue of Mommy's D&D character's animal companion (she's *that* type of druid)...

Riding the train with Daddy...


Climbing on the tractor...

Feeding and brushing the goats...




Riding the subway home...

Just very, very angry right now

I am so mad at TPTB right now. I shared some thoughts that I thought were mostly going to be viewed by a select group of people and TPTB have decided that it needed to be moved to a more general place because we aren't allowed to talk about it in the small place. So now I have someone picking apart my far from formed thoughts. I read, I ask questions, I've done my research. I am scared and still working through a lot of stuff. Let me process, damn it.

I know I am probably overreacting, but it felt like a physical blow when I found out and that's probably when my day started going down the toilet. I could just spit right now. I can't talk about that "here" and if I talk about it "there" without the requisite list of caveats I face it being picked apart and provided with well meaning information that I obviously can't know because then I would be acting or feeling this way.

It's the same reason why I barely mention my failed breastfeeding relationship - I obviously didn't try hard enough, didn't educate myself enough, didn't want it badly enough, and should never have considered having a child in the first place because I wasn't willing to do the work.

You aren't in my head. You don't live my life. You don't know what I do every day. Don't make assumptions.

Pregnancy hormone induced rant over.

I hate being the bad guy...

Rendell signed "The Freedom to Breastfeed Act" into law today. There have been a few threads on one of my message boards about it - everyone is so happy that breastfeeding mothers are finally protected in Pennsylvania. I've had to rain on several parades today by saying that women are no more protected than they were before the bill was passed. Check out Birth Without Boundaries for a fantastic breakdown of the new law and what it means for breastfeeding women in Pennsylvania.

Cardigan for Merry KAL

Here's a link to the pattern

My progress thus far...




Changes I made:

US Size 2 Needles (2.75mm), ~29sts/4"
Davidson Corp Domy Heather, Hollyberry (3.5oz/475yds)
knit in the round with a 4 st steek
CO 191
77 back
32 side
23 cable
4 steek
23 cable
32 side

I changed one of the sts in the moss border to a steek st (what would be the outer stitch if doing it as written). My plan is when I cut the steek I'll do an applied I-cord to cover everything up. I think it should work well since the yarn I'm using is intended for fair isle work and is very grippy. I also added a moss stitch hem rather than the faced one, I just did moss stitch for the first cable repeat then switched to stockinette. The pattern is written for 12-18 months. My guage isn't all that different from the original, but I'm hoping I can get away with some newborn use and then get some good use in the fall.

Ten Weeks

It doesn't look all that different from the 8 week pic, but I am definitely a lot more comfortable in maternity clothes rather than my regular stuff.

Quick and Dirty Crafts Update

Just a smattering of the things I've managed to finish these past few months.

Chicken Egg Covers and Chicks

Lots of "Frogs in my Pocket"









My ultra cool dice bag!





Fiber Trends Bathtime Blossoms Washcloth



Just click on the pictures to see the knitty gritty details. Thanks for looking!

FO - Garment of White

This is the finished Garment of White for Baby F's Christening tomorrow. I am more than pleased at how it turned out.

The completed front...


Detail of the stitches...


It was sewn by couching #3 perle cotton on linen. The cross is an original design. I haven't done any crewel embroidery since I was a member of my local SCA needlework guild (actually did get my competency in couching, blackwork, and general embroidery) at least 6 years ago. The tension of the linen loosened a bit as I went along, so there is some slight puckering because I didn't take the time to tighten things up again (something that tends to fall by the wayside when you are feverishly sewing at 2 in the morning). I designed the stitching as I went along so you would get this wonderful, subtle effect of the changing directions. The next piece I do in this fashion will most likely be done with 4 strands of embroidery floss in split-stitch rather than the couching with more planning on the design instead of making it up as I go along. From a needlework guild perspective, I would definitely classify it as journeyman-level work - my technique is sound, but there are too many small mistakes for it to be master work. I think I'm going to plan on doing some more SCA-style needlework as a diversion from knitting. I don't have any plans to actually play in the near future, but once the bean is a bit older, I'm hoping that I can make the time to get involved in my local group again.

The thing I am most unhappy about the finished piece is the sloppiness of the sewing. My only excuse is that I was cutting this out and feeling it through my machine at seven this morning after having been up all night. The fact that the side seams are remotely straight is a miracle. I know S thinks its wonderful (and it truly is), I just wish I had been more organized that I could have really spent the time making sure all of the seams were knife-straight and doing the hem-stitching that was part of the original design.

I think I could have picked a better time...

Processing your c-section and dealing with the prospect of another one is not something one should work on when there is embroidery to do. It looks like I'll be up to at least 3am if not later finishing this.

At least it will be practice for Harry Potter.

Note to self

It would be a good idea to actually nap when Michael naps rather than sit in the airless back room surfing on MDC while all of the fluid in your body settles into your ankles and feet.

Off to lay down...

Wish we had a camera moment...

S came over with her baby this afternoon and we got to just hang out in the AC and chat while I held the baby and Michael napped upstairs. After Michael woke, S started to get really tired so she dozed on the couch while I held F. Michael was typical - every time F made a sound, he whined too. At one point I had F balanced in one arm and Michael perched on my knee with my other arm around him, caressing both of the and loving it - definitely good practice for February. The sweetest thing was when S was nursing. Michael asked lots of questions about what the baby was doing and then came over to me and tried to latch on to my chest. It was a little bittersweet, having to tell him that mommy has no milk right now, but I am looking forward to being able to give him some milk when the new baby comes.

Now this is what I'm talking about!

I woke up exhausted this morning. Michael was a dream letting me doze on the sofa while Noggin raised him for an hour or two. We then went up stairs and laid on my bed and listened to the radio for an hour or so. After a small mad dash about the house, we managed to get on the road for his teacher conference by twelve thirty. Once I got acclimated to the humidity and the temperature, it really wasn't that bad and the walk to his school was a lot quicker than I thought it would be. We left school and walked up to John's library to hang out for a few, then it was back into the stroller for a nap and then home.

Mood-wise, I felt great today. Once I was able to shake off that exhausted feeling, I felt pretty good physically as well. I probably did just over three miles worth of walking today and while I was tired when I got home, I definitely did not over-do it even with the heat and humidity which is a great feeling. After talking with Michael's teachers, we are definitely going to work on raising our expectations for him. It's really hard for me to do since have age-appropriate expectations back when he was first diagnosed caused so much stress for everyone. We are going to be working on cleaning up and helping mommy during the day, both of which are things I know he's capable of doing. His behavior has also improved a great deal - he's a lot less stimmy during the day and more focused. I also feel so much more in balance with him too and have been snapping a lot less. I'm looking forward to a lot more mornings spent laying in bed and listening to the radio.

Last but not least, the embroidery on the garment of white for S's baby is going great. It's been many years since I've done any crewel work and I forgot just how much I enjoy it. I think I'll be doing some more of that and probably a few temari balls too for good measure - it would be nice to have some stuff for myself rather than everything being given away for presents.

Lazy post

Sorry folks, you may have read this elsewhere, but I'm too fried to come up with something different...

Had a pretty hectic morning - 3 year old, tired husband, and OB wiating room do not a good mix make. I am definitely going to have to make other arrangements - it's really unfair to keen Michael contained in his stroller for that long and then I start getting *looks* which just add to the stress. Instead of having that lovely moment of seeing the hearbeat, I was having a slight argument with the OB about my EDD and John was trying to placate Michael. I'm very happy that the bean seems to be here to stay, but it definitely wasn't the family-bonding moment I was hoping for.

On a different note - I'm definitely heavier than I was when I got pregnant with Michael, but I weigh about 10lbs less that I thought I did (3lbs less then the last time I was weighed on a good scale) so that's some happy news. I have made the resolution to not hide this time because of my size, it was a huge step for me to post a bare-skin belly pic both here. I really want to enjoy my body and the changes this pregnancy.

In crafting news, I have to start doing the embroidery (couching/laid work) for S's son's christening this weekend and I have a few miscellaneous knitting projects to finish up for him as well. We are also planning a trip to the aquarium on Wednesday - I am sure Michael will have a ball.

Taking the plunge...

I figure if I'm oblivious confident enough to walk around with unshaven armpits while wearing tank tops as soon as it's warm enough to do so, I can post a picture of my eight-week pregnant belly...



Hi Bean!

Short and sweet...

• Saw a full-page ad for American Apparell in the Philadelphia Weekly featuring their "Tank Thong" which basically was and excuse to picture this woman's ass.


• Read over some pregnancy books at Borders and man am I happy that I know as much as I do about pregnancy and childbirth. One of the books said that VBAC was incredibly risky (which is why they are rightly discouraged) and a repeat elective cesarian was considerably safer for mom and baby. Of course Henci Goer was nowhere to be found


• Have an appointment with my OB on Monday and some very mixed feelings. I am going with him in the begining because I know I won't get any flack from him about my size. In a perfect world, I'd be having a homebirth and maybe even a UC, but there is no money for a homebirth and both options are so far out of my husband's comfort zone as to be in a separate dimension. More thoughts on this in the future.


• Michael is off from school for the next two weeks and I am so looking forward to being able to hang out with him. I haven't been the best of moms recently and I really want to use this vacation as an opportunity to reconnect with him.

I can hear John laughing at the Daily Show downstairs, so that's all for tonight folks!

Trying to get back on top of things

And popping out of them too.

I mailed off two of my horribly late swap packages this afternoon and after I finish up the pom-poms and bag some herbal moth repellent the other two will be go to go for tomorrow's mail. I am NEVER doing three swaps at the same time again. This has been a complete nightmare and I'm not sure if I can even show my *face* on that board again because everything is so late. The bean, up until the past few days, has been sucking up all of my motivation, focus and energy. I have barely knit at all the past month which is really saying something. I may not have a lot of finished objects, but I usually have at least a half-dozen things on the needles at any given time. Ideas are just starting to dance around in my head again and I will be paying some much needed attention to Knitty Keen in the coming weeks - there should be some new freebie patterns and some hand-painted sock yarn for sale at the Etsy store.

I'm finally starting to hit my stride with the bean and am getting to the point of enjoying the pregnancy rather than feeling crazy and exhausted all the time. It's the craziness that gets to me the most. I am very sensitive to the hormones - even low-dose birth control drives me round the bend. The feeling of having no control over my emotions is a little to close to some of my worst times for comfort. I remember spending most of my first trimester with Michael feeling like I was two steps away from needing to be hospitalized. Here I am at seven weeks and I'm feeling pretty good. I still have my moments, but I'm taking a low dose of my meds and several supplements and am feeling pretty stable. The morning sickness has pretty much come and gone - I only get a touch of nausea if I've gone too long without eating. I'm chasing a few pounds of water-weight around but making sure I drink enough and keep off my feet in the later half of the day has helped tremendously. I have a bit more cramping this time around then with Michael, but I also know there are a decent number of adhesions stretching down there too. I've already "popped" too - I tried a skirt on two weeks ago and didn't like the way it fit. I tried the same skirt on yesterday in a size up and could barely do the zipper. My first OB appointment is next week, so once I see that heartbeat I'm going out to buy myself a nice pair of maternity capris.

I still aten't dead

Lots and lots and LOTS of things have been happening the past three weeks...

We recently found out that my father-in-law's cancer came back and it is not responding to treatment this time around. His body is a wreck from the original treatment and the doctors are not hopeful. His spirits are good and we've been trying to keep in touch so that he can get as much enjoyment of Michael as he can.

My baby is three - where on earth did the time go? Not only is he three but he had his first day of preschool this morning. We had our IEP meeting two weeks ago and aside from the somewhat crappy deal we got for the summer, we are very happy with the offerings. He's in a reverse-mainstream classroom at an excellent school. The crappiness comes in with the fact that his birthday is so late in the scool year, they don't have any morning slots, and consequently transportation slots, open for him until the start of the new scool year in September. In the fall, he'll be going to school three days a week for three hours a day, getting 45 mins of individual speech and OT per week in addition to the small groups the threrapists both run, and he'll be getting bussed there and back. For the summer, we'll still be getting the therapies, but he'll only be going twice a week from 11:30-2:30 and I have to take him there and pick him up myself. Thankfully there are several Septa lines we can take so I am not facing the 10 block-over and 10 block-up walk in the heat of the day, but it still sucks more than a bit. He did beautifully by the way. I, of course, sobbed the whole three blocks to the bus stop after I had dropped him off. This is the first time he's ever been in someone's care who was not a close friend or family member. Not only did he do well in class, he used the potty for the first time AND we were able to get him to use it at home as well!

I've been exhausted and Michael and I are both getting over the nastiest of head colds. I've been trying desparately to finish several projects that I need for swaps and am woefully late with them. I am planning on moving from the couch as little as possible tomorrow (or more realistically today since it's after 3am) so I can get them done and mailed on Thursday. I have not been able to focus well the past several weeks either. I think it may have something to do with a slightly unexpected work in progress. Here's a pic...


Looks like things should be done by the begining of February.

Good reason to buy a stamp...

So you can write your representative to encourage them to co-sponsor the Breastfeeding Promotion Act. Here's a link to the article on The Lactivist which includes links to find out if your representative is currently a co-sponsor or to find your representative's e-mail or office address so you can send your own letter.

Let's hear it for the boy!

Michael put his crocs on by himself this morning. Het put them both on the floor and started to step into them. I told him he was putting them on the wrong foot and he stopped, moved over and put them on the correct foot!

Note to self...

When voting with your button-obsessed son in tow, it would behoove you to make sure he can't actually reach any of the buttons on the voting machine. We went to vote last night and I had Michael in between the two voting booths while John and I were in them. He scooted forward in the stroller and pressed the "VOTE" button on John's machine before he actually got a chance to vote.

My son, the anarchist in training :)

I aten't dead

This has just been a week - lots of procrastinating and many ups and downs. Most days were spent putting off the two and a half mile walk to go to Walmart (I know - I hate it too) and AC Moore. Michael is just getting over the croup for which I'm sure I have the screwy weather to thank for. He also fell down the steps on Friday, once again putting the kibosh of the aforementioned walk. No lasting damage (thank God) and the carpet burn on his face is almost gone.

On Thursday I decided to go up to the fabric district to get some fabric for a quilt swap I'm participating in (and again avoid going to Walmart). I didn't get to cutting it up to mail on Thursday or Friday because of other life events, so I laid it out on the table on Saturday morning. It's stained and I am so pissed! Since returning it involves a hour and a half of my life, I'm just sucking it up. My mom picked up another four yards of fabric at Joanns for me on Sunday and my sister dropped it off for me. When this is done, I'll be cutting both up and mailing them this afternoon - I'm hoping that the marks on the first fabric will come out in the wash and if they don't they can be worked around. I think this will be my last swap for a while outside of the magic yarn ball swaps - it's too hard for me to get places that sell this stuff and those that I can get to are ones that are not stroller friendly. The fabric shop I went to in the fabric district was the only one I could even fit the stroller into and I wasn't able to watch the guy cutting it so that's why I missed the damage though I am still angry that they sold it to me in that state.

I have a full plate of knitting in front of me that has to be knocked out this week but shouldn't be all to hard to get done. The only thing that will potentially interfere with the knitting in my (drum roll please) new Nintendo DS and Pokemon Diamond game. My gem of a husband gave me his super-secret money last week so I could buy it. Mother's Day was very nice and relaxing. Lastly, I can't go into details, but any good vibes you can send my way so I can pass them onto my friend would be greatly appreciated.

Fabric needs to be cut and Pokemon need to be caught...

Just some foolin'

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Let the Great Organizing of the Stash Begin

In the beginning there was the wife and then there was was the yarn.

The wife looked upon the yarn and said, "I will use this yarn to make fine hand knits!"

The wife did knit with the yarn and it was good

And low there came a time when the wife visited a yarn shop and beheld a vast multitude of yarn.
The wife saw that she must posses this yarn, for it was yummy.
"I have not a pattern or needles with which to work this yarn!" cried the wife.
But then the wife saw that the yarn was on sale.
"I will buy this yarn and keep it until I find something to make with it, for it is a bargain" said the wife with great satisfaction.
And thus the stash was born.

The husband beheld the stash as it spread through the house.
"Wife," said the husband. "Could you put away some of the yarn?"
Did the husband not see the great number of things that she might wish to knit at any given time and how inconvenient it would be to have to go digging through any number of boxes to find that most yummy yarn? Could he not agree that she had to have so many projects on the needles at once because she had no idea what she might be in the mood to work upon that day?
The husband sighed, for this was why he loved her, but the stash was grating upon his nerves. The wife saw that the husband had a point and vowed to organize and go upon a yarn diet.

Months passed and the stash grew yet again for there were many great sales.

"Wife," he asked with great trepidation, "I cannot sit upon our sofa without poking myself with a knitting needle. Might you perhaps organize the stash?"
The wife saw that the husband had a point and vowed to organize the stash and go upon a yarn diet.

Months passed and the stash grew yet again for the wife had unlocked the secret to bringing forth socks.

"Wife," said the husband. "Our son cannot use the little table we bought for him because it is covered in great bins of yarn. Something must be done."

The wife vowed to do something about it this time.

Months passed and the stash grew yet again for the wife must have yarn that she may dye it with her own hands.

The husband just sighed for he knew not what to do.

The wife saw that the great festival of sheep and wool was nigh and that the stash must be tamed. It was with much cursing of Microsoft that the wife did create a database with which to catalog the stash. The yarn spun from wool hath been weighed and that of the cotton is next. Those fibers wrought from plastics will have to wait until after the great festival as will the upate of crafting that she hath promised many times.

This is really neat

Last night we went out for a walk to the grocery store. Michael kept waving his hand and making a high-pitched noise. John asked him what he was waving at and after a few tries we figured out he was pretending that he was talking to Fido, Shane's pet fly on The Upside Down Show. The rest of the trip was spent with Michael and John passing Fido back and forth. It was just so neat.

It was an adventure

I really have to stop falling into full-blown avoidance mode, dealing with this stuff is so much easier when you've had more than four hours of broken sleep.

Right as we were getting ready to leave this morning it started to rain. I had two options - take the subway or bus without the stroller or walk and probably get there soaking wet. We took the subway. Of course, as soon as we got off, it had stopped raining.

The ride up was great. We hit our first mini-meltdown when we had to go up the stairs instead of exploring the station, then we had another when I told him we had to walk this way instead of that. I was getting more than a little tense and terse by the time we had walked the five blocks to Starbucks. I got my coffee, he got some juice, and we both got rid of our sweaters. Walking to the library from Starbucks was a breeze, completely different from the walk there. We got to the library and Michael seemed so collected, a state he doesn't normal achieve until much later. The OT and I decided that he could play on the computer rather than doing our normal story time prep in the room. This was a mistake.

The next forty minutes or so was almost one big long meltdown. No matter how much we tried to prepare him or distract him, he didn't understand why he had to stop playing with the computer and go to story time. We would bring him into the story time room and he would become hysterical. I tried everything in my bag of tricks to work with him and nothing did. Both John and the OT were very surprised and thought something must really be up with Michael. I told the OT and reminded John that this wasn't all that abnormal, it's just one of those things that I have changed our lives around to avoid. If he didn't have OT this morning and we weren't working on this very type of transition, I would have A. just let him play on the computer while everyone was in story time or B. packed him into the stroller and left until he and I had calmed down.

I feel like I failed him and me by not doing one of those things - just telling the OT outright that this wasn't going to work today. It was good practice despite how hard it was. Flight is great but there are going to be some times when I can't use it to save us and I have to have some other strategies in place. I also learned that I can take him on a short train or bus ride by myself without the stroller which will open up a lot of activities for us.

The OT was really impressed with my patience and the fact that I recognized that he truly didn't understand why he had to stop playing with the computer rather than chalking it up to defiance. I think this is one of Michael's biggest delays and one that is very easy to overlook. There are times when I'm sure he understands, but more often than not I try to avoid the situation all together because of the hysterical meltdown that ensues. We had to cancel speech this week for the developmental ped appointment, but I think I'm going to make up some social stories and maybe a schedule board as well. I want to shift the focus to transitions and expectations a bit more - we have to come up with a better method than the current, "'Bye! Go away!" that is too often said through tears for even the most seemingly mundane things. With school starting in the fall (or possibly this summer), I think I need to get some foundations laid so it doesn't become traumatic for both of us.

Just a quick update

We have a full week coming up. We're doing another session of OT at storytime tomorrow (really today as it's after 1am by my clock), and as per usual I am in no way prepared for it. The OT suggested we try walking a bit before we get to the library to see if that would help Michael settle down a bit faster. I'm pretty sure she was meaning that I park a bit further from the library than normal, except that normally Michael rides in the stroller while I walk the two miles from our house to the library. Then we came up with the idea that John would take the stroller with him to work and I would follow with Michael on the subway and we would walk over from there. I've been getting more and more nervous about this.

We had Michael "free" on the subway on Sunday for a trial run and to take pictures for a social story about staying in our seats on the train. I took him on Patco to Jersey by myself last weekend and he was fantastic. I'm not sure if it was because John was with us or because of his mood, but he had real problems staying put and at least two mini-meltdowns when we told him he couldn't change seats for the third and fourth time. Meltdowns I can deal with - my back would not be happy if I had to walk the seven blocks from the subway to the library carrying screaming toddler but I could do it, it's the bolting that sometimes comes with a meltdown that terrifies me. I'm planning on taking him up to a playground a few blocks away from the library, letting him blow off some energy there and then walking over. I'm hoping this will work well.

We had what was his last quarterly review for IE last week and I'm really going to miss these people. It took a little while, but we have a great group pf therapists and he's made so much progress in the past few months it's amazing. We talked with the 3-5 agency and he'll be going to the preschool that we want. It's a reverse-mainstream program that looks like it will provide enough structure but more importantly allow him the opportunity to interract with his NT peers. Thanks to Heather and Patti for your well wishes, I was in more than a bit of a mood last week and never took the time to respond to both of you.

Lastly, we got the call this morning that there's been a cancelation and we have his one-year follow-up with the developmental ped on Wednesday. I have no idea what this appointment will entail and I have a lot of mixed emotions about it. I know in my mind and heart that Michael is autistic, but I would be lying if I didn't sometimes wish someone would take the diagnosis away. He has his days where it's easy to forget that he has any problems and those days where I have that dark, consuming fear that he'll never be able to function in this world. Basically, I just have to not think about the appointment.

Time for bed. A big crafts update is coming soon and also....

Maryland Sheep and Wool!!!!!