I came into our back bedroom to surf for a few minutes before putting Alex to bed and he just laid his head on my shoulder and drifted off - if only he fell asleep this easily all the time.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
John is in the room right now giving a bottle to Alex because he would not settle down after nursing and drifting for forty minutes (and don't forget gnawing - his latch degenerates very quickly when he's comfort nursing). John came in with the bottle and I told him, "No" - kind of goes against the whole purpose of smelling like maple syrup for the foreseeable future. After he drifted off again for the umpteenth time, started to chew on me and then startled himself back awake I tearfully gave him to John and came out here to share it with the world.
He really nursed beautifully all day today - I have no idea what is up except that for some reason I'm not enough for him right now.
Man, this sucks.
Life sucks on many levels right now - don't get me wrong, it's beyond fantastic in a whole host of ways, but the situational depression is still kicking my ass. I suppose you could call it PPD in that it is occurring in the postpartum period, but its root causes are not changes in brain chemistry (other than those wrought by sleep deprivation). It's due to two pretty intense kids with pretty intense needs - needs that I would only have a mild amount of difficulty meeting if I was getting more that 6 hours of broken sleep a night. Besides that, none of those big major depression symptoms are present right now, so as awful as it might feel at times, it's nothing compared to past experiences.
Now that I've rambled on about depression, I am going to make the effort to rejoin the wide world outside of my house and the knitting circle I escape to every so often. Here's hoping that "fake it 'til you make it" works on a sleep-addled brain.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Just got back from the boys' well baby/child visits and Alex has only gained 19oz in the past two months nicely halving his weight percentile. I've been crying about it off and on for the past hour because I feel like it's my fault - the ped however is taking a much calmer approach and is having us come back in for a weight check in a month since he's still on the charts (~6%) and his height for weight cluster still looks good. Frankly, FTT isn't even on the table since he's hitting all his milestones and other than the crankiness from teething (I'm expecting the top two any day now), he really is doing wonderfully. He was really spitty over the weekend and the ped is inclined to think he had a bit of a stomach bug which caused him to drop a bit. For my own piece of mind I'm going to start the fenugreek/blessed thistle/3-4 litres of water/nurse-nurse-nurse regimen to see if his disposition improves. I've been suspecting some supply issues for the past week, but for the most part he has seemed happy once let-down happens and will pop off and smile and talk to me when he's done (oh and bite too - can really live without that one). Maybe if I can give myself a little boost with the herbs, things will even out again.
Michael, aside from the new mild asthma dx, is healthy as a horse and practically skin and bones despite the amount of food he eats - 43.5" and 44lbs. Have to take him out for the full audiology test in the next month that I've been avoiding for going on two years now - not looking forward to it.
Oh and Michael was complaining the whole way to the doctor's office about how he wanted a shot like Alex was getting and even after Alex got his he was still complaining that he didn't get one.
Eerie quiet is pervading the house so I need to go see what is up - Alex is sleeping for once but I'm sure Michael is getting into some mischief or another and besides that there is my vanilla creme frapachino w/peppermint syrup waiting for me - it's like drinking a mint nonpareil - I strongly suggest you go to your local Starbucks and have them make one for you, it is truly heavenly.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
So many things rambling about my head these days - anger at the way autism is treated in this country and all those negative images being seen by my son, how so much money is thrown at research but not nearly enough is given for treatment (and this is true of so many conditions), feeling trapped at times, loosing touch with people because I can't muster the physical and emotional energy to seek them out, and how much typing one-handed sucks.
Just a bit blue today - have to get myself together and take the boys out for a bit. I'm pretty sure Alex is starting a growth spurt so no knitting group for me tonight, but maybe I can escape to Starbucks for some quality time with my DS and my
crack Civilization Revolutions.