Monday, October 24, 2005

Why does it have to be an excuse?

I'm a member of an Attachment Parenting message board and sometimes I read something that really rubs me the wrong way. First off, let me say that I do subscribe to the Attachment Parenting Philosophy and feel that it's what works best for me and my family. I do not like Dr. Sears and something about Martha just annoys me, but I digress.

No matter how much some AP advocates might say otherwise, mommy one-upmanship is strong and thriving. That's my beef with the Sears, they pepper their books with all of those warm and fuzzy anecdotes that can lead a neurotic first time mom to believe she is doing something terribly wrong because she does not have that perfect bond with her child. Parenthood and especially motherhood is really hard and it really sucks sometimes. I really feel that AP would gather more devotees if they admitted this, but again I digress in my rant.


To many, any reason that you give for not breastfeeding is an excuse. They may not say, "You didn't try hard enough," but the use of the word "excuse" rather than "reason" certainly implies it. I went through my own personal hell to try and breastfeed Michael and reached that dark place where I had to make the choice between continuing or saving my sanity. Until you have reached that place, you have no right to judge. It was such a terrible decision that no matter how angry I get at others' lack of empathy, I would never even wish it on them. That is not to say that there aren't women out there who really do mean it when they say they didn't want to breastfeed because it would make their boobs sag or they would be too tied down. But there are a lot of women who will give what looks like a lame reason to some because the decision tore their heart apart. It's easier to give a superficial reason rather than relive the pain of the choice you had to make.

You breastfed through your nipples falling off? Well bully for you! Just don't think that I didn't try hard enough or didn't want it badly enough to continue. My son has a mom who was not hospitalized during his infancy and believe it or not, I feel that is more important than breastmilk.