Sunday, May 04, 2008

Survival Mode

I really need to learn how to start cutting myself some slack. There is a big reason why I'm not comfortable in my skin right now and why I'm less than half the parent I know I can be - the parent I want to be is so far out of reach right now it may as well be in another dimension. I'll have those few blessed moments of all being right with the world and the second I actually think the thought, "Hey, I'm really getting this parenting two kids thing down," one of them will kindly remind me that I don't have anything under control. I suppose this is just going to be life for the next several months - needed alone time being kiboshed because the babe was up all night, Michael very calmly telling me that he can't hand me the receiving blanket next to his hand because he's playing, snapping at the husband because he wants to help but needs to be micro-managed, crystal-shattering wails and shrieks and let us not forget poop and spit-up.

There are also the giggles, milky smiles, Michael telling me "I like you, Mom!", the quiet in the house when everyone is asleep and it's not 2 in the morning, and successfully stepping back and asking the husband if we can start over. It's only been three months despite the fact that it feels much, *much* longer, and I still have a lot of learning to do. I'm going to knit for a bit, have a hard cider and then go to bed. Tomorrow will be what it will be, I just have to try my best and you know what, it will be good enough because despite what I might think, my best is pretty damn good.

'Night all!