Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Aftershocks, signs, too much sleep, and cake at the Melrose

It has definitely been a ride these past few days and I am rapid-cycling through the 5 stages of grief. To say this is not fun is a major understatement. John and I are working on it though, and despite everything - Michael has been a continual Joy (except when it's 11pm and mommy needs to work on the newsletter that she's been putting off for a week). Some things have already started. A friend (childless, unmarried, a bit of a misogynist) of John's, and one of his coworkers (childless as well, but engaged) have already told him that there is no way Michael has ASD. Both seemed to think that this is part of some major conspiracy to label children. John was not bothered in the least and blew them off. I, on the other hand, did get a bit upset by this. I had my first hospitalization for major depression in 1991. I spent the next five years or so trying to convince my parents that I was not having a huge pity party, that I had a real disease. With this history, my skin is a lot thinner when it comes to this. This is also a big reason why I haven't told many people outside my closest friends.

On to happier things...

I do not appear to have adenomyosis!

I went for my second opinion last week and the doctor feels that I have a uterine infection and I'm on some major antibiotics for the next two weeks. I go back for a follow up in a few weeks and with a bit of luck will be pain free for the first time in months. I am so happy I went for the second opinion, especially since my GYN was ready to do a hysterectomy on me. It's also nice to have something good happen for once.


Michael has been using the signs for "More" and "Done" spontaneously for the first time in at least a month. We're not sure, but we think "shoe" means pacifier.

Too much sleep...

Michael woke up at 7:30 this morning in a pretty foul mood. We brought him downstairs and he wanted nothing to do with his morning milk or food. He just kept walking to the bottom of the stairs, whining and saying "shoe" over and over. I opened the gate and we went upstairs. He went straight for his room and climbed under his crib to get his pacifiers. Since he seemed so tired and I knew he didn't get enough sleep the night before, I tried to put him back down and knock-off for a bit myself. Imagine my surprise when we woke up at 10:30! I felt so human this morning, no annoying anxious aftershocks and a happy, well rested child. When 1 came around, I decided to try and put him down again for his regular nap. Since I still had a bit of that sleepy good feeling, I decided to lie down too. We both woke up just after 4, thus ensuring that noone would get to bed at a decent hour tonight. It's going to take days for us to get back on any semblance of a schedule.


Saturday night I called my friend Sarah. For the first 5 minutes of the conversation, I launched into what was going on with Michael. Every time I paused, she would ask, "but how are you doing?" I did finally answer. She then told me that she was coming over on Tuesday night. About 30 minutes before she was due, the anxiety set in. Sarah is one of my closest friends and I would trust her with Michael in a heartbeat. What I worry about is how Michael would do with her, he's such a handful sometimes and at least right now his ASD diagnosis makes that seem worse. I did manage to make myself go out with John (not that Sarah would have allowed me to stay anyway) and stopped fretting after we had walked about 4 blocks. After the "screaming like he lost a limb" for a few minutes, Michael had a ball while John and I enjoyed carrot cake at the Melrose. Sarah wrote herself in for next week. Thank you.