Whine

Slept horribly last night, left the house late without eating anything so we could get to storytime on time because I promised my husband. Found out I had enough time to stop at a local coffee shop on the way for a cup of iced coffee and a scone. Michael whined the whole time about how he wanted a bagel. I react badly to the whining which just starts that lovely feedback loop of whining and snapping. Have to cajole him into the storytime room when we get to the library. Storytime not too bad. Leave to walk to Wholefoods for chai concentrate. Feel like I'm going to puke any minute the whole walk over then get the sweats once I get in the store. Have a fruit smoothie and some protien to get my sugar back up and stabilized, all to the lovely background of three year-old whining (gotta love the feed-back loop). Walk back to the library and hang out with husband while he watches Michael because I am *this* close to starting to yell because I feel so crappy. Leave library at 1 and don't walk in our door until two (thank you inept mass transit - an hour for a two mile trip).

Things that Rock!

• I got some great Koigue mill ends in shades of red, orange, gold and green to make the bean a Baby Surprise Sweater and a matching hat. I'm hoping that there will be enough to do socks as well. I'm going to find some worsted in red and make a pair of pants to go with it too. With some luck, this will be the bean's coming home outfit.


• K told me that she couldn't wait any more and dropped of a beautiful romper for the bean and a Motherhood gift card for me. I was able to get the long denim skirt I've been wanting ever since I got my positive pregnancy test and a fantastic navy blue sleeveless blouse. Both the bean and I cannot thank her enough.


• S deserves major props for taking me to the mall in Jersey so I could use K's gift card and for lending me her maternity brace. I wore it last night and it is wonderful.


• We made it through the sequential screen this morning. The bean looked great - tons of movement and I even got to see him/her suck on his/her hand. Now that I did the genetic counseling and no alarm bells went of from the ultrasound I am so much more relaxed. I don't even feel like I'll need to badger anyone for test results. The test would not change the outcome of the pregnancy and I have already decided that I was not going to pursue an amnio or a CVS to confirm a high risk of a genetic abnormality. Seeing the bean so active and feeling the movement for the past week or so has really reassured me and I know the bean is here to stay and has gone a long way in allowing me to trust my gut.


• I saw the chiro this afternoon and he really seems great. There is definitely some crunch there, but not too much. He did try to sell me some prenatal vitamins, but it wasn't a hard sell. There was no mention of my weight except for him to reassure me that he was strong enough to support me during one of the adjustments. Because of the damage I have in my pelvic joints, he's going to take things a little bit slower and I am very fine with that - when I had some dramatic adjustments during my last pregnancy, I had relief from the SPD pain but my gait changed enough that I exchanged one discomfort for another. I am seeing some small improvement from the adjustments I had today and there has been no change in my gait so all seems well.
  
  When we were discussing my history, he made a comment about how much work I must do managing my home and caring for my child (I wrote "homemaker" for my occupation ) and the negative impact chronic back pain can have on it. How cool is that?

Many pics will be posted tomorrow. 'Night all!

Quick update on the Bean

here I am in all my 11 to 12 week glory. I tried on one of my regular skirts on Saturday and could not do up the button, so I am officially out of my regular clothes. Thankfully I still have two skirts from my pregnancy from Michael and I'm hoping to add a third to them by the end of the month. In the picture and right now I'm wearing an elastic waist skirt and it's *almost* too small. I didn't have to start wearing maternity with Michael until well into my 4th month, not so with the bean. To paraphrase S - I really look pregnant now.

The bean seems to be doing well. I was feeling a whole lot of activity in my pelvis last Thursday and then I had my wonderful first twinge of SPD so I'm pretty sure my uterus has popped up. Thus far, the SPD isn't giving me too much problem, it's my left SI joint that's acting up which is making sleep a nightmare (and it wasn't too good to begin with). Things are still a bit tight money-wise, so I'm hoping to start going to the chiropractor next week. In the interim, I went to the pool tonight and it was heaven. It was so nice squatting in the shallow end and focusing on the bean for a bit and my back cleared up for a while too - walking without pain is wonderful. I'm going to start getting intimate with my balance ball again since squatting and opening up my pelvis gives me the most relief, just have to get John to pull it out of the corner he has it hidden in the living room.

Last but not least, I'm pretty sure I've been feeling those first flutters of movement. It's coming from the right place and I'm pretty sure it's not gas. It's really been helping me start to bond with the bean and process my fears and trauma from Michael's birth.

Trip to the Zoo

We made the trek to West Philly on Saturday and went to the Zoo. I'm not sure who had more fun - John and I watching Michael really enjoy the zoo for the first time, or Michael. He *talked* to the animals, pointed out things to us, fed the ducks and the goats in the petting zoo and hissed at the cheeky Canadian geese who were looking for a handout. We could not have asked for a more beautiful day either. I think our membership is going to get a lot of use this coming year.

On Daddy's shoulders looking at the hippo...


Posing with a bronze statue of Mommy's D&D character's animal companion (she's *that* type of druid)...

Riding the train with Daddy...


Climbing on the tractor...

Feeding and brushing the goats...




Riding the subway home...

Just very, very angry right now

I am so mad at TPTB right now. I shared some thoughts that I thought were mostly going to be viewed by a select group of people and TPTB have decided that it needed to be moved to a more general place because we aren't allowed to talk about it in the small place. So now I have someone picking apart my far from formed thoughts. I read, I ask questions, I've done my research. I am scared and still working through a lot of stuff. Let me process, damn it.

I know I am probably overreacting, but it felt like a physical blow when I found out and that's probably when my day started going down the toilet. I could just spit right now. I can't talk about that "here" and if I talk about it "there" without the requisite list of caveats I face it being picked apart and provided with well meaning information that I obviously can't know because then I would be acting or feeling this way.

It's the same reason why I barely mention my failed breastfeeding relationship - I obviously didn't try hard enough, didn't educate myself enough, didn't want it badly enough, and should never have considered having a child in the first place because I wasn't willing to do the work.

You aren't in my head. You don't live my life. You don't know what I do every day. Don't make assumptions.

Pregnancy hormone induced rant over.

I hate being the bad guy...

Rendell signed "The Freedom to Breastfeed Act" into law today. There have been a few threads on one of my message boards about it - everyone is so happy that breastfeeding mothers are finally protected in Pennsylvania. I've had to rain on several parades today by saying that women are no more protected than they were before the bill was passed. Check out Birth Without Boundaries for a fantastic breakdown of the new law and what it means for breastfeeding women in Pennsylvania.

Cardigan for Merry KAL

Here's a link to the pattern

My progress thus far...




Changes I made:

US Size 2 Needles (2.75mm), ~29sts/4"
Davidson Corp Domy Heather, Hollyberry (3.5oz/475yds)
knit in the round with a 4 st steek
CO 191
77 back
32 side
23 cable
4 steek
23 cable
32 side

I changed one of the sts in the moss border to a steek st (what would be the outer stitch if doing it as written). My plan is when I cut the steek I'll do an applied I-cord to cover everything up. I think it should work well since the yarn I'm using is intended for fair isle work and is very grippy. I also added a moss stitch hem rather than the faced one, I just did moss stitch for the first cable repeat then switched to stockinette. The pattern is written for 12-18 months. My guage isn't all that different from the original, but I'm hoping I can get away with some newborn use and then get some good use in the fall.

Ten Weeks

It doesn't look all that different from the 8 week pic, but I am definitely a lot more comfortable in maternity clothes rather than my regular stuff.

Quick and Dirty Crafts Update

Just a smattering of the things I've managed to finish these past few months.

Chicken Egg Covers and Chicks

Lots of "Frogs in my Pocket"









My ultra cool dice bag!





Fiber Trends Bathtime Blossoms Washcloth



Just click on the pictures to see the knitty gritty details. Thanks for looking!