Friday, March 24, 2006

Obsessings at 3am

You know what, I really need to go to bed. Here's a synopsis of what's floating around my head:

  • Pregnancy
    I want another baby with every fiber of my being, I just question whther I an capable of handling one. There is also the desire for a VBAC ballanced with my last OB probably not doing them but having a great bedside manner (never said a word to me about being obese my entire pregnancy and ws never discriminated against for my size). There's the worry that even if I can get a VBAC that it would be unsuccessful due to baby's size and whatever effect the damage done to my pubic symphysis would have on a vaginal delivery. Breastfeeding, genetic traits, a car and my weight also being factors

  • Balancing my own need to see my friends and Michael's need to nap in his crib (which in truth is actually everyone's need).

  • That I am not the parent/wife that I want to be

  • That I have yet to come up with a plan for world peace *wink*

  • That I really need to stop worrying about these things that I can't control and, "be soft like water". Damn I need to start reading the Tao Te Ching again, I could really use some mellowness in my life and to not be so hard on myself.

Well off to bed...