Sleep deprived ramblings

I've done the math and it looks like I've basically been awake for going on six days now - I haven't had more than 2 hours consecutive or three hours total sleep a day since Sunday. This makes for some very interesting emotions, to say the least, and as a treat I am sharing my garbled thoughts with you, the internet...

I'm pretty sure The Serenity Prayer is going to be something said daily, if not hourly over the next several weeks/months/years. Right now the current last line (which isn't at all witty - sorry for misleading you earlier S) is, "and to not raise my voice at my child for his completely developmentally appropriate behavior." This should give a little clue on how well Michael and we are doing with the transition.

For whatever reason, I no longer feel like I'm a part of my due date club on my message board. I had a scheduled repeat section and I keep reading subtle judgment into every one's responses to how I gave birth. Yes, I know this is classic projection and it's just my usual way of finding something to beat myself over the head with. Despite the hair shirt I am determined to wear about the cesarean, the experience was everything I hoped for and needed it to be. So much trauma from Michael's birth was healed that morning, and I finally had the empowering birth that I wanted, despite it's surgical nature. I'll probably write up a birth story in the next few weeks so I can get all of the good and the bad out there.

We had Alexander's first visit to the peds this morning and it went really well. The ped isn't freaking about his weight loss (he's down to 8lbs 14oz from the 10lbs 2oz at birth) and we are both confident that he'll be back on track by next week. The LC visit last night was great as well - I learned some new positioning/latching tricks which are almost the opposite of what I was told by the LC's at the hospital, and Alexander is feeding well at last. We'll most likely continue with some syringe supplementation (10-20 cc's per feed) through the weekend until his output is back to where it should be, but I have a pump now and my milk is in so we won't need the formula any more.

After all that, it feels wonderful to be falling in love with my new little man. He just seems so tiny compared to my memories of Michael as a newborn. It's even more funny since their birth stats are pretty much identical - Alexander was 10lbs 2oz and 21.5 inches where Michael was 10lbs 3oz and 21.25 inches. It's all down to build, Michael was (and still very much is) a very solid kid, where Alexander seems to lean more towards lanky. I have a feeling that despite his high birth weight, he's going to be on a completely different growth curve from Michael as well.

This weekend, "sleeping when the baby sleeps" is definitely going to be a priority so I can break the hold the sleep deprivation has over me. The next post is all pics and then it's off to nurse and take a nap.

Oh, and by the way, I actually manage to nurse Alexander in the crowded peds waiting room this afternoon - the first time I've ever done it. Yay me!