Comparison

Several years ago, my mom had a hysterectomy. On the second night of her hospital stay, she told my father that he could go out drinking with his friends instead of staying with her. I remember being livid that he did what she told him to do and that she didn't ask for help. I ended up going myself and staying with her until the hospital kicked me out.

Sometime early on in our relationship, I told John this story. I told him that if I ever said anything remotely like that he was to ignore me.

Neither of us followed through on this. John is in Lancaster playing with lead miniatures while I am home with Michael.

Thursday night my therapist told me that I should either cancel Michael's MRI on Friday or John needed to be home. I talked with John after my appointment and told him that I wanted the MRI over and done with and that I still wanted him to go away this weekend. I told him what my therapist said and followed up with saying that it was my decision to make and this is what I wanted.

My father hates hospitals (pretty much the same as John) and while I didn't agree with my mom for the decision she made that night, I can understand why she did it because I did the same thing - put my husband's perceived need above my very real one. Thankfully, both of us had people to fall back on, but it still doesn't change the fact that we both systematically put others' real and perceived needs above our own. This is an almost constant struggle for me. I've gotten better at asking for help, but too often it's happening at just before my breaking point. With a child, this is not a good thing.

Isn't it lovely when you realize just how much like your mother you really are?