Yay!

I just checked the wait list and there are only 106 people ahead of me in line for Ravelry. One more thing with which to avoid doing what needs doing.

---

One great big huge ETA

I'm on!!!!!!

---

For those who have no idea what this is - it's going to become my new crack. Seriously, I found out I was on and spent an hour playing with it - only got up 'cause my stomach was growling audibly. Came up to go to bed at 10 and am just now (11) tearing myself away from the computer. It's essentially an on-line knitter's notebook - one that I get to share with a whole bunch of other knitters in one handy-dandy spot - patterns and stash galore. Oh how dangerous this is going to be. Actually, once I get my act together, it will be yet another place I can showcase some of my original designs and hopefully sell some of them (once they get written that is).

I have to go to sleep now - 'night all!

I have to go to sleep now.

Not at my best

My patience has been missing these past few days and it becomes very evident in the late afternoon and evening. Michael is still working his way through the cold and par for the course it's settled in his chest with that good (but awful sounding) juicy cough. The second half of his day is filled with whining and multiple meltdowns/tantrums. His sibling-to-be feels like he's in a full lotus position in my pelvis - super low and lots of oh so lovely pubic bone pain. The Bean also spends long stretches kicking various internal organs (my bladder and cervix are his apparent favorites). I do not remember Michael being this active in utero - the Bean starts when I get up in the morning and doesn't stop - even when I wake in the night he's moving around. All of these things added up together do not a peaceful house make. I'm raising my voice way too much which just increases the whining and meltdowns which puts me more on edge, ad infinitum. I just put him down for sleep and from the sound of it he's fallen asleep right away so I have that going for me.

I'm hoping the return of more seasonable weather tomorrow will improve things and maybe some stuff from Spinning Babies will encourage the Bean into a more comfortable position - if anything the pelvic rocks should help with the pubic pain.

Oh, and good thing to know -- I can use water in place of half the milk in my favorite buttermilk pancake recipe. There's nothing quite like mixing everything together and thinking, "Gosh, this looks awfully thick," and then realizing the the recipe you were going from by memory in fact requires two cups of milk all to the background of your three year-old singing the pancake song (which is, unsurprisingly the word "pancake" repeated over and over again, with jaunts into the falsetto every once in a while for added emphasis). John is due home any moment and I am making myself a chai milkshake when he walks in the door.

'night all!

Food for Thought

My post yesterday and some other current events sparked a great conversation with S yesterday about breastfeeding and motherhood. Jenn over at The Lactivist, has written an excellent continuation of the conversation. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Breastfeeding Doesn't Give You The Right to Do Whatever You Want

Definitely a lazy day

We haven't done much today other than play with cars (Michael) and surf the internet (Mom). Frankly, after the flurry of activity yesterday, I think we both needed the down-time. I let Michael have almost free-reign in the kitchen while I was in the living room and for whatever reason this involved putting some four in the dishwasher with an ice-cream scoop. This evening, I'm going to give him a basin with a *little* bit of water in it an let him scrub the floor while I finish cleaning in there.

Next on the agenda is a nap. Then we'll walk down to the store for orange juice and chicken breasts. Maybe that's what I'll make for dinner tonight - orange flavored chicken.

Tomorrow while he's in school I'm going to finish up my package for my due-date club swap and turn his old, stained and holey crib sheets into cleaning rags - I'm going to cut the jersey into 11" squares and zig-zag two of them together. They would have really come in handy yesterday. Paper towels have a place (albeit still much smaller that I would like to believe), but I'd like to be able to grab a rag to wipe up a mess. Now I'll have some nice ones to use. Now I just have to make sure they actually get back down to the kitchen after being washed - so many of my kitchen towels take up permanent residence in our computer room where the drying racks are because they just never make the trip back downstairs.

I have to help Michael with a truck issue and then we'll go to bed for real.

Breastfeeding Rant

I just posted this in response to a thread about why more women don't seek out help with breastfeeding, especially when it's offered.

For myself, I was afraid that I was going to be told to do things that I just wasn't capable of doing. So many spout off all of the advice without any consideration for where the mom is at the time. In my own case, I was given a laundry list of things to do - including a list of foods to remove from my diet (like garlic - ever try to avoid garlic when you are living on takeout and convenience foods). I was exhausted, depressed, felt like a failure for not being able to do this "natural" thing correctly, and the only physical support I had was my husband. What I needed was someone to talk to me, not just spout all the info that I had already read on KellyMom. And then there's the sentiment that because I was unable to do these things, I was somehow looking for an "excuse" to quit or I was being lazy - which is just so helpful to read when you are going through this. Nothing makes me want to seek out help more than the thought that the person/people I'm seeking help from are talking about me like that on a public message board/blog/or to their friends.

A little bit of empathy can go a long way, as does the reminder that women who are having problems stumble across boards like this all the time and are turned off to even thinking about asking for help. It's no wonder that the ped who nods his/her head, says breastfeeding is hard and goes on to suggest a course of action that will probably result in the end of a nursing relationship is turned to more than the so called advocate that essentially says - of course it's hard but you just have to suck it up because otherwise you are just looking for an excuse to quit and then I can complain about you on a public message board.

Until we can let go of the thought that most women are looking for an excuse to quit because it's too hard, we end up alienating the very people we need so desperately to support. Besides, I think most of us can agree that being a new mom *is* hard, and there is no face lost in doing so - frankly it would go a long ways in stopping the ever present mommy wars if we stopped being catty and just started to support one another.

September Decluttering Goals

Kitchen

• Shelf above sink - 15 items


• Recyclables - 10 items

Bedroom

• Clothes


• Books

Driving me up a wall

My message board is still down. I admit, I've become rather obsessive about it in the past few weeks, but it's become my "I need to not think about my life" place for a while since I haven't been able to concentrate on novels or my Game Boy/Nintendo DS.

I'm short tempered. Michael is exhibiting entirely age-appropriate behaviors, and I can't get my message board fix. This is not a pretty picture.

I think I'll just try to go to bed early tonight.

Let the Nesting Begin

I transfered a whole bunch of music to the laptop and got to work in the kitchen this afternoon. The stovetop and counters are clean thanks to some Dr. Bronner's and some baking soda. I've never used castille soap for kitchen cleaning before and while it did work, I think I'm going to explore some other options. One thing I do really like is the peppermint smell, so my next cleaning solution (probably water and vinegar) will probably have some peppermint oil and a dash of eucaluptus oil since they are some of my favorite scents. If anyone has other suggestions, please share - I want something I can keep in a spray bottle for quick clean-ups.

I'm taking a bit of a break right now and gracing you with my prescence here since MDC is down. After my break, I'm going to wade back in and stack the dishwasher and dedicate one of the empty waste-paper baskets in the corner of the kitchen for recyclables. We do recycle here but I have no dedicated receptacle in-doors and thus have glass jars stashed all over the kitchen. Doing this should easily add at least a dozen things to my September decluttering goal.

I have to dash since there is a rather disgusting piece on the TV right now about "too posh to push" which infuriates me. TTFN!

ETA - I couldn't find the remote and ended up having to listen to the entire piece. The next segment is almost as disgusting as the previous one. The info they are giving is very good - it's just the format kind of disgusts me, but that's what I get for watching Discovery Health.

What do you do...

...when you have a whole pile of stuff that needs doing but you're indulging in some passive aggressiveness and being a bit juvenile? Hack your blog skin.

Unfortunately life is calling me back, so I'll have to leave it half-finished. More reformatting to come.

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge...

I'm not sure if this was their intent, but my mind jumped to that sort of conclusion when I passed a deli with the following signs in the window...

"Onion Rings"

and

Fresh Hot
"Bagels"


Much like traffic laws, it would appear that punctuation is viewed as a suggestion as well.

Sick little boy

It looks like Michael has exactly what I did earlier in the week (insisting on drinking out of my cup is a great way to insure the transferal of disease). There is nothing quite as heart wrenching as holding your crying child when they are in pain - hearing that bewildered tone to their crying just cuts you to the quick. I'm thinking I may kick John out of our bed tonight and sleep with Michael so I can comfort him easily when he wakes, our air mattress died a while back and I don't think I can deal with sleeping on his old crib mattress. We'll head out to Whole Foods in the morning for lollipops and popsicles.

I hope this passes quickly.

Barefoot and Pregnant on Capitol Hill

I only look crazy

Full details can be found here.

Just popping in

I've had the most awful head-cold the past few days - Tuesday I could barely move, Noggin raised Michael for me. Yesterday and today haven't been too bad except for the sweats, runny nose and sneezing fits. S gave me the CD of pictures from Saturday and as soon as I make some time, I'll get them posted. Last but not least, Michael actually rode the school bus this morning. John got him up and on the bus so I could sleep in to a heavenly 7:40. Why didn't I format pics during all of this free time this morning you might ask. Because I spent it instead eating a lovely breakfast with a chai that I didn't have to share with anyone else. I also spent the rest of the time watching a truly horrible movie ("The Davinci Code") while knitting. I do have to admit that I like Ian McKellan, but then again I don't think there is anything I've seen him in that I haven't liked* - I also like to think that he knows how awful the film is and we are sharing that little secret between us.

Knitting progresses. I have half a sleeve to go on one of the EZ February sweaters and I finished my first pair of teeny baby socks yesterday. Today I'm knitting for my February DDC swap partner and making plans for gifts/favors for my Mother Blessing. Oh, and the transition from crib to bed is going great. We've had a couple of tough bed times, but all in all it's going very well. He even told me this afternoon when he was ready for his nap, which is so cool.

Tuesday night I felt the Bean move from the outside - he must have been turning over but it was very cool none the less.

I'm off to resume knitting and then to take a nap myself. TTFN!

*The only exception is "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy and that has more to do with the liberties the screenwriter took with Tolkien's work than his performance.

Protest Sign

My parents pulled a lever
and all I got
was this crummy
Orwellian Nightmare

This was by far the best sign I saw yesterday.

Baby's first protest

This is what I spent my Saturday doing. I just got home and am more than a little exhausted. S took lots of pics (including several of me knitting socks for the Bean) - I'll update after she's had a chance to send them on. We even took my 20+ week belly pic with the capitol building and the protest in the background.

As exhausting and agravating it was at times (note - always have a map, D.C. does not advertise its Metro stations and getting directions over the phone from someone who does not read maps well is not fun for anyone), I am very happy that I was able to participate.

Off to sleep.

Something in the air

I'm not sure what is up today, but it's affecting all of us. Michael has been practically bouncing off the walls and my ability to cope with it is in negative numbers. Nothing quite like being that mom in the park snapping repeatedly at your child - or even better being that mom in Starbucks with the crying child. Actually, I am pretty proud of myself in Starbucks for keeping my cool as well as I did. I probably should have left at least 30 minutes earlier than I did and spare Michael and the other patrons his repeated, teary requests to, "Sit in Chair?" (note - he was in the stroller at the time because of his recurring inability to "sit in chair"). I usually don't push the envelope that much with him, but I needed to chat with another adult and talk about baby stuff with someone in real life.

Tomorrow I'm heading off to an anti-war protest in D.C. with S and her family while John spends some one-on-one time with Michael. We are also going to be making the transition to a regular bed on Sunday which terrifies me. I'm still not sure how we are going to handle things. We've never gated the top of the stairs since it would require masonry bolts and the thought of removing his door and putting a gate up in the door frame leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I'm hoping the worst we'll have to deal with is being poked and greeted with a, "Good Morning, Mommy!!!"

Last but not least, H sent me the most wonderful yarn from her decluttering. With this lovely infusion, I don't *have* to actually buy any more to make the Bean's wool stash. The three (yes that is right) sweaters that I have going are rapidly approaching completion and because I am only human (and insane), I've just cast-on for a pair of newborn longies in a lovely deep orange Malabrigo (courtesy of H).

Michael is sleeping and while I should be too, the call of Malabrigo baby knitting is way too strong. TTFN!

Not too shabby

I dropped Michael off at school this morning and headed up to a Starbucks for coffee and a raspberry scone. I probably did a bit of damage to my ears listening to the I-pod at max volume while I knit (almost done the body of my second EZ February Sweater), but it was definitely what I needed. Besides, it's really hard to be in a bad mood while you are listening to Army of Lovers "Crucified" which brings back so many great memories. I've actually never seen the video I linked to and it's just what I expected. One of my roomates had the album and I remember dancing to the single quite a few times back when I was footloose and fancy-free.

You learn more about me every day.

A Fine Kettle of Fish

Looks like I will be making the 20 block trek to take Michael to school for at least another week. I love the teachers and the therapists at his school, the administration leaves more than a bit to be desired. Three weeks ago I was told by his teacher that we needed to bring them to school ourselves on the first day and that the parents would be staying with the kids. I arrived there on Friday with Michael only to find out that they sent letters saying the kids would be bussed that day and to be looked at like I had three heads when I asked about staying. Since I only had one token (I was expecting to walk to John's work and then into town where I could buy more for the trip home), I ended up having to spend $6 in addition to the tokens I bough for the trip home. After I cooled down a bit from the screw-up, I called the school to make sure the bus wasn't waiting to take him home that day (I was way too mad to do this in person at the time). The school's secretary thanked me for letting her know, apologised for the mix-up, and verified my address on the list she was making up for the bus company.

All seemed to be well.

Monday morning we all sat on the front steps waiting for the bus.

I called at 8.15 and was told the bus was coming, it was the first day and it would likely be a little wonky for the first week or so until all the kinks were worked out. I could accept this. I didn't like it and thought it was highly unprofessional, but I could accept it.

I called again at 8.50 and spoke to the program director. I was told that both of the buses had been and gone. Why wasn't Michael picked up? I mentioned that I spoke with the secretary on Friday and was told that she was preparing the list for the bus company. The director told me that any changes to the busing list take 5-7 day to implement. I told her no, he's been on that list since the beginning of August and in fact I signed the paperwork for busing back in May. No real response back from them. I said my husband was now late for work, I was late for a doctor's appointment and there was no way I could get Michael over there that day and get done what I needed to do. On top of all of this I am 20 weeks pregnant - I had really counted on being able to get my adjustment and enjoy that post-adjustment bliss with the newspaper and a cup of coffee. It took all of my strength not to scream at this woman. It did all work out well in the end. I took Michael to my chiro appointment and he did very well and by some miracle my blood pressure had returned to almost normal by the time I had my OB appointment that afternoon.

I just got off the phone with the school again. They do not know when Michael will be on the list - probably not until the end of next week. They seem to be leaning towards this being the bus company's fault, but I'm sure they are not without blame. I did get my jab in that I live 20 blocks away from the school and it costs me 4 tokens to get Michael there and to go up to John's library while he's in school since it makes no sense for me to come all the way home to only have to leave again in an hour to go pick him up (the secretary was very contrite about this). Instead of all of this wonderful free-time, going a little crazy missing him in my empty house, getting much needed work done, and spending a little one-on-one time with my husband, I doing exactly what I was doing all summer, except now three times a week.

I really could just spit and it's taking all of my strength not to load this up with tons of expletives. Frankly, what I really feel like doing is crying. Why the hell does it have to be so hard and who in God's name has it in for me?

---

ETA

Just so this doesn't sound like a complete pity party on my account (oh woe, I don't get my free time), I was just reminded of the other part of the equation. The week leading up to the first day of school, all I did was talk up how mommy was going to bring him to school and stay with him to Michael. We've also been talking up the yellow school bus he's going to take to school as well. Thank God he's been accepting of all of these changes. My own issues aside, the situations in this house for the past several weeks have really put him through the wringer - we've asked so much from him and exposed him to so many scary emotions it's a wonder we haven't seen more problems than the bit of pacifier regression that's surfaced. I need for us to have the routine that school provides to help him and me regain our footing and this is not helping either of us.

I'm going to be outnumbered

After the morning from Hell (from which I've decided to spare you from the painful details), we had our Level II U/S this afternoon.

I am much relieved since everything appears to be as it should - two arms, two legs, two eyes, 10 fingers and toes, and...

...two testes and one penis.

Alexander Francis it is.

You know you are on MDC too much

When you've hit senior member status. I just made my 1000th post. Any suggestions for a title?

Project ADD

I was going to try and hold out for finished objects, but the blog needs some happiness gosh darn it, so here's some baby stuff to look at...

This yarn...


Has become this swatch...


This is one of my favorite lace patterns - Falling Leaves from Knitty. It's knit with some kettle-dyed fingering weight merino on my 3mm Addis and (stop the presses) the swatch has actually been washed and blocked!. I'm hoping to turn it into a garter yoke cardigan like EZ's February Baby Sweater. My first attempt was way too big (which is why I went through the extra trouble to wash and block). Once I get some time to crunch numbers, I'll cast on again.


This is my un-vented EZ February Baby Sweater from The Knitters Almanac knit with Trekking XXL in the Orange/Teal colorway on US Size 4 (3.5mm) needles. I used a different lace pattern that the one in the book since the colors would be lost in the original. Once this is done, I'll be doing a full write-up with my alterations from the original and cross-posting on Zimmermania.


This will most likely become another EZ February Sweater, but I'm going to tweak it a bit so it's a little bigger than the first.

The Koigu BSJ

After I weave in the 5 million ends, I have to do the sleeve extensions and add the collar. I can't get enough of looking at this, the colors are so happy and the yarn is so squishy. Definitely worth the almost $35 I paid for the Koigu. Yes, you read that correctly - I spent $35 for yarn for a baby sweater that is not machine washable. Gifts of woolwash would be greatly appreciated.

Diapers!


This fabric is slated to become the start of my cloth diaper stash. I'll be using Rita’s Rump Pocket pattern. Don't you just love the monkeys?

Bulleted Rant

• Damned bank - thought there was $40 there but find out this morning there is only ten.
• People who cancel their life insurance because it's a waste of money - tell that to my MIL who's going more than a bit crazy trying to keep things together right now
• Insomnia - woke up at 3am, started worrying about MIL, didn't start to doze off until 6

Things I can be thankful for

• John gets paid tomorrow - no more nickel & diming (until the end of September that is)
• S - who is dropping off the $$ so I can go and see my therapist tonight
• K who will fight with me about buying coffee
• My change jar which will provide the funds if I win the fight with K over the coffee
• Michael who is a constant Joy, even when he's getting on my last nerve which isn't any-one's fault.
• The Bean, who even now likes to remind me of his/her presence with a swift kick to my bladder, making me take the minute to reflect on how blessed I am to be carrying him/her
• This

Happy Feet

The Bean is making his/her presence known by spending long stretches bouncing on my bladder or my cervix (ouch). I was treated to a good half hour of the latter last night while John and I vegged. Michael was pretty active but nothing like this one.

Baby knitting progresses. Life progresses. Dreams of large alcoholic beverages also persist as does raw tuna (I'm avoiding it for mercury). Life will be resuming some sense of normalcy tomorrow which I am really looking forward to.

Michael did the coolest thing yesterday. He really didn't want to hold hands on the walk to the train and C suggested that he "help" her hold the dog's leash. She was describing it to Michael as "the buddy system" and Michael responded, "No. Teamwork." How cool is that?

You gotta love the insomnia

Especially when your body desperately needs sleep. It's just been really hard having to be "on" so much this past week. Thursday was good, I even had John make the call to see how C, my mother-in-law, was doing because I just didn't want to deal with it. Friday was a different story. On the bus ride up I started to loose it on the bus when "House of the Rising Sun" came on the I-Pod. I don't know why The Animals reminded me so forcefully of my father-in-law, but I cried the entire time the song was playing.

Originally C and I were going to purge her bedroom of all of John's dad's clothing, but we opted for going to the LYS instead. The owners of the shop and all of C's friends know all about me and seem to think that I am a crafting diva. This was our second visit, so I was a bit more prepared this time around. In other news, the owners of the shop are very interested in my hand-dyed yarn, selling my patterns and maybe even me teaching a class, so that is cool. I told them that once the fall gets here, I'll have a better idea of what I can commit to producing so we'll see about making a deal then.

The rest of the day was just kind of there. I had a minor anxiety attack last night and I'm going to try out some homeopathics to see if that helps takes the edge off since completely removing myself from the situation, getting lots and lots of rest and relaxation, and cutting down stress just isn't an option right now. I have never wanted to smoke and get 'faced more in my life, I'm that desperate for release. This is where I'm starting to really miss a funeral. While I can see why John's dad opted out of it completely (there isn't even an obituary), but not having the closure and ritual that comes with a funeral is hard, especially since it's been near impossible to share our grief. Letting it out in bits and pieces, usually alone, is extremely draining to me since I never know when the next trigger will happen.

I'm off again on Saturday and then we'll have two days in a row on again - Sunday to do the clothing purge and Monday to go to John's brother's house for a cook-out. I'm almost done my un-vented EZ February Baby Sweater from Knitter's Almanac. Chances are good I'll have it done, minus the buttons, by Sunday. If I can find some buttons that will work for it, I'll finally be making a post for it on Zimmermania. Actually, it's one of the best pieces of knitting I've ever done, so I may just post without buttons. That a picture of it will appear here and all over my message boards goes without saying. The Bean has discovered the joys of dancing on my bladder which s/he happily did for most of the time I was at the LYS this afternoon.

I'm finally starting to feel tired again, so I'm going top try to go back to sleep. John already told me that I could sleep in this morning, here's hoping that I actually can.