Saturday, September 01, 2007

You gotta love the insomnia

Especially when your body desperately needs sleep. It's just been really hard having to be "on" so much this past week. Thursday was good, I even had John make the call to see how C, my mother-in-law, was doing because I just didn't want to deal with it. Friday was a different story. On the bus ride up I started to loose it on the bus when "House of the Rising Sun" came on the I-Pod. I don't know why The Animals reminded me so forcefully of my father-in-law, but I cried the entire time the song was playing.

Originally C and I were going to purge her bedroom of all of John's dad's clothing, but we opted for going to the LYS instead. The owners of the shop and all of C's friends know all about me and seem to think that I am a crafting diva. This was our second visit, so I was a bit more prepared this time around. In other news, the owners of the shop are very interested in my hand-dyed yarn, selling my patterns and maybe even me teaching a class, so that is cool. I told them that once the fall gets here, I'll have a better idea of what I can commit to producing so we'll see about making a deal then.

The rest of the day was just kind of there. I had a minor anxiety attack last night and I'm going to try out some homeopathics to see if that helps takes the edge off since completely removing myself from the situation, getting lots and lots of rest and relaxation, and cutting down stress just isn't an option right now. I have never wanted to smoke and get 'faced more in my life, I'm that desperate for release. This is where I'm starting to really miss a funeral. While I can see why John's dad opted out of it completely (there isn't even an obituary), but not having the closure and ritual that comes with a funeral is hard, especially since it's been near impossible to share our grief. Letting it out in bits and pieces, usually alone, is extremely draining to me since I never know when the next trigger will happen.

I'm off again on Saturday and then we'll have two days in a row on again - Sunday to do the clothing purge and Monday to go to John's brother's house for a cook-out. I'm almost done my un-vented EZ February Baby Sweater from Knitter's Almanac. Chances are good I'll have it done, minus the buttons, by Sunday. If I can find some buttons that will work for it, I'll finally be making a post for it on Zimmermania. Actually, it's one of the best pieces of knitting I've ever done, so I may just post without buttons. That a picture of it will appear here and all over my message boards goes without saying. The Bean has discovered the joys of dancing on my bladder which s/he happily did for most of the time I was at the LYS this afternoon.

I'm finally starting to feel tired again, so I'm going top try to go back to sleep. John already told me that I could sleep in this morning, here's hoping that I actually can.