Thursday, April 03, 2008

Ups and downs

I finally admitted that I am close to another crisis point yesterday. I really don't think it's chemical this time 'round, but sleep deprivation driven - if I could manage to get a 3-4 hour stretch of sleep a day, things would be a million times better. Problem is I have a breastfed 2 month-old with GERD and an almost 4 year-old with autism, situations not exactly conducive to sleep. I was talking to S yesterday and mentioning how sleep deprived I am and then in the next sentence started talking about this new quilt shop that just opened and how they have machines for use for $5/hour and I was planning on getting over there on Saturday so I could get some sewing done. She gently asked me about needing sleep and I just sat there for a moment and let some tears out. Hard as it is, she's completely right. Aside from taking care of my kids and my household I am spending ungodly amounts of energy keeping my perceptions based in reality (i.e. John wanting to listen to his I-pod and play his video game does not mean he finds me incredibly unattractive and is planning how to leave me as quickly as possible -- ah the joys of Borderline Personality Disorder).

That said, there will likely not be a hand knit sweater for Alex's baptism, I have no idea if I'll ever get any of the socks done for the 2008 Sock Knitters Pentathlon let alone the toe-up monkey sock I've been working on since Alex was born, and sewing Mei tai baby carriers is right out. Sleep has to be my top priority before I slip too far and it just sucks.

How's that for a ray of sunshine?