Getting to know you...

I'm not quite sure what happened, but I feel like I'm finally getting back in sync with Michael and it's been great.

For several months before we had him evaluated for his communications delay, I was really feeling at my wits end. It was just so hard to couch everything in terms of his needs and it felt like I had to ignore any desires I had which just made trying to respect his needs and limitations that much harder. It was getting to the point that I was really starting to resent him sometimes - I couldn't go out to eat with my friends without planning on spending the second-half of the meal chasing him around the restaurant and dealing the inevitable meltdown when I wouldn't let him out onto the street; I couldn't participate in conversations because he needs to be moving and really doesn't like being restrained. I went through all of this work to co-found a mothers group and I couldn't actually enjoy hanging out with other moms because of the care and attention my own child needed. I was also envious of other moms and their "better behaved" toddlers - no one else seemed this frazzled. A couple of times I actually questioned my parenting - wondering if I just let him cry-it-out or made him sit in the stroller no matter what I would be happier, but they were very short lived thoughts and turned my stomach a bit.

Since his evaluation, I know I'm not exaggerating things and maybe that has been the key. I've been better able to keep my expectations for him down to what I can actually expect of him. I'm getting better at distinguishing needs from wants; sticking to my guns and not giving into tantrums, something I admit I was doing a lot of the time because I just didn't have the strength to deal with them. I've also become very selective as to what we do when we are going out: I'll only do group activities in the early morning which I know is his best times; if we go out later in the day, I make sure I'm walking so he can get a bit of a nap in the stroller and we only meet up with a few people in places where he can have some space to run.

In conjunction with me becoming more in tune with his capabilities, he's really starting to understand more. It's like he sees how hard I'm working and is trying to meet me half-way. I can't tell you how happy I am that we've made it over this bump in our relationship. This is the first time in quite a few months that I've been able to find Baby Zen, and it feels great. Now begins the work to keep us there :).